The 9 Types of Boyfriends

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Joe Sensitive: "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
Also known as:: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
Advantages:: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages:: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus: "People are stupid, The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
Also known as:: Grumbles, Sourpuss, Stick-in-the-mudd, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
Advantages:: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages:: Royal pain the ass

Flinchy: "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also known as:: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages:: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages:: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot: "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as:: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big'n'Dumb
Advantages:: Can tote vales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages:: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones: "Zzzzzz"
Also known as:: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages:: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams

The Sneak: "Who, me?"
Also known as:: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
Advantages:: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages:: May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts: "After I wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as:: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanove, Monster
Advantages:: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages:: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer: "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but..."
Also known as:: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
Advantages:: Tells good stories
Disadvantages:: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

Mr. Right: "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, OK?"
Also known as:: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages:: Answers to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages:: Hunted to extinction