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The 9 Types of Girlfriends
- Ms. Nice Gal
- "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
- Also known as:
- Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat
- Advantages:
- Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
- Disadvantages:
- May wise up someday
- Old Yeller
- "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
- Also known as:
- She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
- Advantages:
- Pays attention to you
- Disadvantages:
- Screeches, throw frying pans
- Sickly
- "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
- Also known as:
- Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
- Advantages:
- Predictable
- Disadvantages:
- Contagious
- The Bosser
- "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
- Also known as:
- Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
- Advantages:
- Often right
- Disadvantages:
- Often right, but so what?
- Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied
- "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
- Also known as:
- The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
- Advantages:
- Easily soothed
- Disadvantages:
- Even more easily perturbed
- Wild Woman out of Control
- "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
- Also known as:
- Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
- Advantages:
- More fun than a barrel of monkeys
- Disadvantages:
- Unreliable; drives off cliffs
- Huffy
- "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
- Also known as:
- No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
- Advantages:
- Your friends will feel sorry for you
- Disadvantages:
- You will have no friends
- Woman from Mars
- "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
- Also known as:
- The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
- Advantages:
- Entertaining, unfathomable
- Disadvantages:
- Will read her poetry aloud
- Ms. Dreamgirl
- "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
- Also known as:
- Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
- Advantages:
- Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
- Disadvantages:
- Will have nothing to do with you
